"If I cut you off, chances are, you handed me the scissors."
Unknown (via fridakathykahlo)
Sometimes things are not what you expect them to be. Or how you expect them to be. Or who. Sometimes you have to drive in circles a few times and then stop to ask for directions, because even though you know you’re close, the road is closed for construction, and you need to find a new way around. Sometimes every bar you go to is closed or closing, except for one, but it’s loud, and you sort of mill behind the stacks of people waiting to be served because you actually don’t really even want a drink you just want a space, to talk, and it’s too loud for talking in here anyways, so maybe instead you’ll drive down by the lake and park. Sometimes you decide that 2am is as good a time as any to go through your drawers and closets and pull out piles of things to give away, and you find yourself, sitting on the edge of your bed holding a shirt, an unbelievably soft, threadbare shirt, and you realize that this shirt is your security blanket and yes, you’re thirty years old and apparently have a security blanket, but that that’s ok because sometimes we all need to feel secure.
sometimes i see a picture like this and the ache in my heart swells to just below unbearable and i want to just drop everything, every single thing, and go jump on a plane and run to the coast and stand on the water’s edge, the ice cold water lapping at my toes, the wind blowing my hair across my face, and just stand there, just being there, just, being.
There are times when I wish I could be nothing but class and grace and eloquent articulation of the most thoughtful and intelligent thoughts. That I could float through a ballroom as if on air instead of high heels. That I could afford to buy button downs that don’t make me look like I’m playing dress up in daddy’s closet. That my laughter sparkled like the bubbles in my champagne flute. That I was able to keep up on all of the happenings around the world - and more than keep up - that I could do something, say something, in a way that people wouldn’t just listen to, but would hear and admire and be inspired.
But alas, there are times when I’m a little to busy, a little too dizzy, my emotions a little to fizzy.
There are times when I wish that it were easier for me to put the passion in my heart into action in my mind and body. That I weren’t so easily distracted by all of the little itty bitties, even though, really, I think, it’s often the itty bitties that are the bitty best. That I could take my own advice and wake each morning with peace in my heart and a determined head on my shoulders and I could go out and live each moment to it’s livable limit and not feel weighed down by the mundane and the sad and the hurtful and the horrible.
But alas, there are times when I’m a little too lazy, a little to crazy, my vision a little too hazy.
little things upset me more than they should.
like how i just bought new printer ink, and having just bought new ink, i thought it would be ok to print 125+ pages of notes to help me study, and i even sat there and patiently fixed the collation that inevitably gets messed up when i try to print on both sides, and then about 80% through it starts printing only half legible pages and tells me my black ink is low, the one i just changed, and of course, when the woman had offered me a second ink cartridge at 50% off i had declined because i thought, really, when will i need to buy ink again?
and then sometimes
i get emails from beautiful humans.
telling me they hope that i wake with peace in my heart and mind and that they look forward to the next time we get to sit together in reflection and love.
and i sit, and take a deep breath, in and out, and i smile, and i write these words, and i get back to work.
Sometimes…sometimes everything. Sometimes I’m so anxious and my muscles are so subconsciously tight that pausing to catch my breath feels like a battle. Sometimes I catch my own eye in the mirror and I wonder, who is this woman looking back at me? Sometimes everything falls into place and makes perfect sense. Sometimes life is complicated and messy. Sometimes I look out at my hands and I am surprised to find that I am juggling and I panic because I don’t know how to juggle and these things that are flying through the air are so precious to me that I’m terrified of dropping them. Sometimes I feel a compulsion to drop everything, absolutely everything, to give my arms a break from holding. Sometimes everything hurts. Sometimes there is so much beauty I wonder if I am capable of appreciating it fully. #sometimes #words #gpoy #personal (Taken with Instagram at The middle of the east)
that weird thing. you know what i’m talking about? it’s weird right? people are weird, sometimes.